Joke Thread.....NSFW June 21, 2007, 01:56:25 AM Lets here some jokes. I know me and Mikey have some rather "colorful" jokes. We all need some crude humor in life. Quote Selected
Joke Thread.....NSFW Reply #1 – June 21, 2007, 01:56:58 AM A lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking guy sitting at the bar by himself. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. “Magic Beer,” he says.She thinks he’s a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says, “That isn’t really Magic Beer, is it?”“Yes, I’ll show you.” He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times and comes back in the window.The lady can’t believe it. “I bet you can’t do that again.” He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window. She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, “Give her one of what I’m having.”She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.The bartender looks up at the guy and says, “You know, Superman, you’re a real asshole when you’re drunk.” Quote Selected
Joke Thread.....NSFW Reply #2 – June 21, 2007, 02:02:27 AM A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener." Quote Selected
Joke Thread.....NSFW Reply #3 – June 21, 2007, 02:03:11 AM May I please be excused …The teacher asked Michael, “If you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the rest room?”“Just a minute, I have to go pee”, he said.The teacher replied, “That would be rude and impolite.What about you? Paul, how would you say it?“I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”The teacher responded, “That’s better, but it’s still not very mannerly to say the word ‘bathroom’ at the table.”“And you Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners," said the teacher.I would say, “Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you’ll get to meet after dinner.”The teacher fainted. Quote Selected
Joke Thread.....NSFW Reply #4 – June 21, 2007, 02:06:04 AM cougrrr302 walks into a crowded room and belts out, "I'M EMO!" Then he walks back out.Sadly, this story is true. Quote Selected
Joke Thread.....NSFW Reply #7 – June 21, 2007, 02:12:14 AM Italian Boy’s Confession“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl”.The priest asks, “Is that you, Johnny Parisi?”“Yes, Father, it is.”“And who was the girl you were with?”“I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”“Well, Johnny, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”“I cannot say.”“Was it Teresa Volpe?”“I’ll never tell.”“Was it Nina Capelli?”“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”“Was it Cathy Piriano?”“My lips are sealed.”“Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?”“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.” Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?” "4 months vacation and five good leads.” Quote Selected
Joke Thread.....NSFW Reply #10 – June 23, 2007, 01:40:14 AM Drop it on the counterA woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one, and goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark sunglasses.She says, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind, but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.”She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.He says, “That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB test line. It’s a good all around combination, and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.”She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!” As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.“Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,” he says.She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell who it was.The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50 please.”The woman is totally confused. “Didn’t you tell me it was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?”“Yes, Ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.” Quote Selected
Joke Thread.....NSFW Reply #11 – June 23, 2007, 02:25:26 AM Mickey and Mini wanted to get a divorce. Mickey was talking to his lawyer and the Lawyer said “Mickey, I don’t think your defense will hold up in court.Mickey said “what do you mean?”The lawyer said "we had our shrink check her out and he will not testify in court that she is crazy. He said that he cannot find anything wrong with her."Mickey said “I never told you she was crazy, I told you she was f***ing Goofy. Quote Selected
Joke Thread.....NSFW Reply #12 – June 23, 2007, 02:28:05 AM A man was taking a leak at a friend’s house and after he was finished he turned around and notices that his friend’s daughter was starring at him.Embarrass he ask her if she saw anything?The little girl looked at him and said she had and that “my daddy has two of those”Your daddy has two of them?Yes, one that he goes to the bathroom with like you did.And one that he brushes mommy’s teeth with. Quote Selected
Joke Thread.....NSFW Reply #13 – June 23, 2007, 02:31:32 AM Kudos man... the 2ed one almost made me die drinking a Mt dew when I read it. Quote Selected
Joke Thread.....NSFW Reply #14 – June 23, 2007, 02:33:49 AM Potentially and RealisticallyA young boy went up to his father and asked him, “Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?” The father thought for a moment, then answered, “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and ask your brother if he’d sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.” So the boy went to his mother and asked, “Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?” The mother replied, “Of course I would! I wouldn’t pass up an opportunity like that.” The boy then went to his sister and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?” The girl replied, “Oh my God! I would just love to do that! I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity!” The boy then went to his brother and asked, “Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?” “Of course,” the brother replied. “Do you know how much a million could buy?” The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, “Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?” The boy replied, “Yes, sir. Potentially, we’re sitting on three million dollars, but Realistically, we’re living with two sluts and a British cigarette.” Quote Selected
Topic: Joke Thread.....NSFW (Read 7238 times)
previous topic - next topic
