jokes here~work warning

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jokes here~work warning

November 16, 2006, 06:58:26 AM

(Funny bumper-stickers)

CAUTION: Your daughter might be on board

Hang up and drive!

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people: Everybody, But Me."

If you can read this...I can slam on my brakes and sue you.

The proctologist called...they found your head.

Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."

Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

jokes here~work warning

Reply #1 – November 16, 2006, 10:19:12 AM

Best post ever!

jokes here~work warning

Reply #2 – November 16, 2006, 05:49:31 PM

More informative than some of our recent posts...

jokes here~work warning

Reply #3 – November 16, 2006, 05:53:15 PM

Quote from: Thunder Chicken;113960

More informative than some of our recent posts...

WHAT!!?? Surely you don't mean from ME, do ya!!??

jokes here~work warning

Reply #4 – November 16, 2006, 07:26:37 PM

Didja hear about the girl that went fishing with seven guys and came home with a big red snapper?

jokes here~work warning

Reply #5 – November 16, 2006, 07:36:05 PM

A string walks into a bar.

He asks for a shot of tequilla. The bartender replys "Sorry we don't serve strings". So the string leaves.

The next day, the same string walks back into the bar. He asks for a shot of tequilla. The bartender replys "Sorry we do not serve strings, please go away."

The following day the string stands outside the bar debating about whether to go in or not. He ties himself in a knot and frays the bottom of the string.

He goes in and asks for a shot of tequilla. The bartender replys "Hey aren't you that string that's been coming in here all the time."

They string replys "No I'm a frayed knot".

jokes here~work warning

Reply #6 – November 16, 2006, 07:51:20 PM

jokes here~work warning

Reply #7 – November 16, 2006, 07:57:20 PM

jokes here~work warning

Reply #8 – November 16, 2006, 07:58:50 PM

2 Irishmen came walking out of a bar..........

Hey, it COULD happen.

jokes here~work warning

Reply #9 – November 16, 2006, 08:21:23 PM

A Catholic Priest, A Rabbi and a Baptist Minister walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
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A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender freaks out over the talking duck. "Dude, you should join the circus, you'd make a fortune!"

The duck replies, "What's the circus gonna do with a bricklayer?"
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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper says, "You got a drink named Fred?"

jokes here~work warning

Reply #10 – November 16, 2006, 08:29:08 PM

LMAO! great!

eh..funny shirts eh?

jokes here~work warning

Reply #11 – November 16, 2006, 08:30:16 PM

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

-------

A woman’s husband comes home hammered every night and she always yells at him before going to bed alone.

One day she decides to try some reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she’s waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a backrub.

“It’s getting late, big boy,” she says after a few minutes. “Why don’t we go upstairs to bed.”

“We might as well,” slurs the husband. “I’m going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway.”
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Two condoms walk past a gay bar, the one condom says to the other "Hey wanna go get shiznit-faced?"
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One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards with some friends.

Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across the table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties on. He sat up and was flushed.

He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen and said, " Did you like what you saw?" Mike said "Yes I did." She said, Well you can get more than that but it will cost you $500." So Mike thought about this financial situation and said, "O.K." She said, "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then." Mike said, "I'll see you then."

The next day, Mike came over, they had shag, he paid her, then he left. Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today" She said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did." Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with you."

lmao

jokes here~work warning

Reply #12 – November 16, 2006, 10:10:59 PM

In light of deer season:

Two Newfies are hunting when one suddenly has a heart attack and dies. The other calls 911 on his cell phone:

911 Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Newfie: "Yes, b'y, my hunting partner just dropped dead and I don't know what to do!"
911 Operator: "Well, first, make sure he's dead"
Newfie: "Ok, hold on"

*a short pause, followed by a single gunshot*

Newfie: "Ok, what next?"

jokes here~work warning

Reply #13 – November 16, 2006, 10:18:18 PM

I got another hunting one:
2 guys are out hunting and one has to take a shiznit. He tells his freind this and askes him to go on. After his freind leaves he hangs his ass over a log and goes about his buisness. Meanwhile his freind baggs a deer. He goes back to the camp to find the first guy alseep on the log. he guts the deer and put the guts under the shiznitter. About an hour later the guy wakes up and see's "his" gut beneith him. He goes back to camp walking a little weird and his freind ask's why. The shizniter then replys " man, I feel alseep and while I did I shiznit my guts out. If it weren't for the grace of god and a stick I would have never got them back in"

jokes here~work warning

Reply #14 – November 16, 2006, 11:06:35 PM

got lost down the end of this long dirt road, where I stumbled across 2 hicks sitting on a porch. I asked them for directions back to the highway, and they obliged. upon turning around to leave, I turned back and lightly asked, "so what do you do for fun around here?" "We hunt, and we f@#k." was their reply. "Really, what do you hunt?". "Something to f@#k."