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General => Lounge => Topic started by: daminc on September 29, 2010, 10:14:18 PM

Poll
Question: FaceBook Etiquete
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: daminc on September 29, 2010, 10:14:18 PM
Ok, 20+ years ago, I dated a girl for about 6 years. After we went our separate ways, I realized she was following me around for quite some time. kinda stalking from a distance. Since then, we both have gotten married and have families of our own. recently, she appeared on Facebook and my mom has accepted her friend request.  She sent me one, but I have yet to respond either way.

What is the proper etiquette for this situation?
Do I.....

1. ignore her request

2. un-friend my mom for getting me in this awkward situation

3. accept her request so I don't come off as an ass
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: Scott D on September 29, 2010, 10:15:38 PM
Quote from: daminc;337240

1. ignore her request


FTW :headbang:
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: *MAYHEM* on September 29, 2010, 10:20:47 PM
Before you make a decision either way, send her a private message and ask her why she wants to to be facebook friends. It may be that she simply wants to be friends and nothing more. You might explain to her that in your current marrital situation you feel uncomfortable with it.
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: 20thanniver-ls on September 29, 2010, 10:21:28 PM
I think I would have to go with number 1 as well. Ex's create problems, no matter what. I am not a member of Facebook, but I  think if I was and my wife saw that I accepted a friend request from an ex-girlfriend (especially one whom I was serious with) she would probably get kinda upset. And the whole stalking thing dosen't help either LOL. Stay away!
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: daminc on September 29, 2010, 10:26:47 PM
For all I know, she just wants to be friends. We share about 150 friends from High school ..My wife says she doesn't care. She's irish, and would kick her ass all the way to another city if she did anything stupid.. and that's before she drinks. lol
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: hypostang on September 29, 2010, 10:55:26 PM
I vote ignore , I ignore more often than I accept.
 

Of course I am somewhat anti social:hick:
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: turbo_88_XR7 on September 29, 2010, 11:11:56 PM
i vote ignore and block.. or else she may start stalking you on facebook.. lol
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: crystal on September 29, 2010, 11:18:16 PM
I like your wife already! lol

I'm thinking if it bothers you enough to post about it, you should probably ignore it. I've definately gone mia from myspace in the past due to stalkers, it's not fun and I highly doubt you want the complication. It very well could be just a friend thing but with the past stalking I'd probably be a little wary...
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: daminc on September 29, 2010, 11:32:22 PM
Well, I kinda already know what I'm gonna do... just thought I would see what others would do in the same situation. Maybe there's something I didn't think of. Due to the friends we both know, our paths are going to cross whether I friend her or not.
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: vinnietbird on September 30, 2010, 12:01:35 AM
I'm going to have to go with the "ignore" choice as well.
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: jangus on September 30, 2010, 12:04:55 AM
I'm going to go with a #1/#2 combo. But then again, I don't speak to my mother anyway.
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: Watchdevil on September 30, 2010, 12:52:06 AM
Ignore her ass then block her... Then have a heart to heart chat with your Mom for her to remove her as well...  Then if Mom doesn't remove her then you will at least have her blocked and you will not be subjected to any of her postings.
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: Carl on September 30, 2010, 06:33:21 AM
Ignore
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: sarjxxx on September 30, 2010, 10:23:01 AM
stuff like this is why I don't have a facebook page or a myspace anymore

I agreee with MAYHEM's post
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: Beau on September 30, 2010, 10:41:42 AM
+1 for an "ignore".

If she sends another request, then a block may be in order..

On a somewhat related note, I had a guy try to add me several times (more than 5, freaky..)
We had 2 mutual friends, one of those was some someone I didn't really know...every time I ignored the request, he'd send it again. Finally blocked him...I don't do so well with the chasing/stalking stuff...

(If it had been some hot chick, mighta been a different story, lol. j/k)
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: 50tbrd88 on September 30, 2010, 11:44:16 AM
I had the exact same thing happen.  I made the wrong decision and went with choice #3, which ended up being very wierd and awkward.  She would post things on my page, send me PM's, etc.  Nothing she did crossed the line, but I just didn't feel right about it so I un-friended her.  After that she kept sending me requests to be her friend again.

I just kept ignoring it and she eventually gave up.  lol.  I was thinking: "I'm sorry but I dumped your ass for cheating and hoped I'd never have to deal with you again...never would have guessed something like Facebook would come along and force me to deal with your crazyness."
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: shorangerbird on September 30, 2010, 11:53:29 AM
-ive accepted a couple that i used to date. i personally have had no problems. sometimes we message each other on things, and talk about the"old days",  but for the most part, its been on the level, and nice to hear from them....but you have to keep it on "the level"...
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: hwy73 on September 30, 2010, 01:30:37 PM
Consider if the tables were turned............an ex from your wife's past attempting to contact her.  If this gives you even the slightest tinge...then you have your answer: IGNORE.
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: turbo_88_XR7 on September 30, 2010, 02:18:01 PM
Quote from: hwy73;337297
Consider if the tables were turned............an ex from your wife's past attempting to contact her.  If this gives you even the slightest tinge...then you have your answer: IGNORE.


x2, reverse the role in your mind, what would YOU do? :beatyoass:
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: baxo on September 30, 2010, 02:22:18 PM
I vote for Accept.. I pretty much got all my exes on my Facebook. For several reasons:

1) if you live well they can see what they coulda had
2) see how their life is turning out to assure yourself that it wouldn't have worked anyway
3) you shared a part of your life, there's no reason to really ignore a part of your life because things didn't go well.. it's a learning experience.

I catch up with them even in conversations from time to time. there's nothing wrong with a little curiousity. like I said, there has been time out of both parties lives where it was spent mutually together. Time heals all wounds.
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: turbo_88_XR7 on September 30, 2010, 02:26:04 PM
Quote from: baxo;337305
Time heals all wounds.


not true.. some things are life altering.. and i'm not talking physical wounds either
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: baxo on September 30, 2010, 02:56:08 PM
Quote from: turbo_88_XR7;337308
not true.. some things are life altering.. and i'm not talking physical wounds either

I guess not for everyone. but speaking for myself, relationship wise it does. I've had some pretty F'ed up life altering stuff happen in relationships that I've gotten over. Life's too short for grudges.
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: shorangerbird on September 30, 2010, 03:14:07 PM
Quote from: baxo;337305
I vote for Accept.. I pretty much got all my exes on my Facebook. For several reasons:

1) if you live well they can see what they coulda had
2) see how their life is turning out to assure yourself that it wouldn't have worked anyway
3) you shared a part of your life, there's no reason to really ignore a part of your life because things didn't go well.. it's a learning experience.

I catch up with them even in conversations from time to time. there's nothing wrong with a little curiousity. like I said, there has been time out of both parties lives where it was spent mutually together. Time heals all wounds.



:bowdown:
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: Kitz Kat on September 30, 2010, 03:35:27 PM
If your marriage is solid,why not. The stalking part is strange though, does she live in the same town?
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: daminc on September 30, 2010, 03:45:24 PM
Quote from: Kitz Kat;337322
If your marriage is solid,why not. The stalking part is strange though, does she live in the same town?


She lives in the town of Niagara Falls, ,where i used to live. I now live on Grand Island which is the next town over, and the only way to get here is on the thruway, and pay a dollar to get on the island.
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: daminc on September 30, 2010, 04:08:08 PM
Quote from: baxo;337305
I vote for Accept.. I pretty much got all my exes on my Facebook. For several reasons:

1) if you live well they can see what they coulda had
2) see how their life is turning out to assure yourself that it wouldn't have worked anyway
3) you shared a part of your life, there's no reason to really ignore a part of your life because things didn't go well.. it's a learning experience.

I catch up with them even in conversations from time to time. there's nothing wrong with a little curiousity. like I said, there has been time out of both parties lives where it was spent mutually together. Time heals all wounds.

You do have a few good points

I couldn't see myself with her in the future back then...... I'm sure she figured it was her only shot of having a somewhat easy life. I've come a long way since then. Have my own company.. make decent money. own 5 cars. have a huge house, No mortgage, in-ground pool, almost no debt.....I know I would not have everything I now have if we stayed together. I think she probably is curious how things turned out for me. I pretty much fell off the map on purpose when I met my wife. It has been 17 years after all, and I'm guessing she isn't stalking me anymore, and hasn't even tried to send me a message. only a friend request, and a post on my building page about wanting work done in her house. I replied with a "depends on the job" answer, and also stated that I only work in high end housing.... which I do, because people normally can't afford custom woodwork and cabinets.

From what I see on her page, she is happily married and has 2 kids. She also can't see anything on my personal page, because I have everything set to friend only.

And Alex, I need a set of those Star Trek doors... lol
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: baxo on September 30, 2010, 04:44:49 PM
hahaha i'm definitely doing the star trek doors, i just need to get my hands on some hydraulics!
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: daminc on September 30, 2010, 04:45:58 PM
like convertible top lifts?
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: baxo on September 30, 2010, 04:54:26 PM
LOL you read my mind! my convertible will be a roadster when I'm done anyway. it's not like it'll need it. I'll probably need pneumatic though, air is faster than oil.
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: ShowBoy on October 01, 2010, 12:01:51 AM
From what I'm reading, I get this bad feeling that I'm gonna see your story on "Forensics Files" someday -------- or "Cold Case Files" in 20 years.
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: turbo_88_XR7 on October 01, 2010, 12:09:14 AM
:laughing:
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: V8Demon on October 01, 2010, 12:48:21 PM
I can add this scenario to the list of reasons why I will never have a Facebook account.
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: daminc on October 01, 2010, 09:02:20 PM
Quote from: V8Demon;337498
I can add this scenario to the list of reasons why I will never have a Facebook account.


I't's not really as bad as it seems... I'll tell my mom to deal with her bad decision.

On the upside..I get to chat with all my family like we were never apart form each other.. ;)
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: turbo_88_XR7 on October 01, 2010, 09:46:46 PM
Quote from: daminc;337541
I get to chat with all my family like we were never apart form each other.. ;)



that's the best part.. well.. sometimes.. lmao
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: daminc on October 01, 2010, 09:55:13 PM
we were all very close until everyone moved out of state or out of town. almost all my friends are relatives. I have about 10 good friends that I also added too. I don't collect friends like others do. How can you really have 500 friends. Seriously......
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: turbo_88_XR7 on October 01, 2010, 09:59:09 PM
500 is nothing.. 1200 is just down right facebook-w status
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: jcassity on October 02, 2010, 10:07:44 AM
betty white said it best about this,,

"I cant think of a bigger waste of time"
I would do nothing,, that sends the message plus it doesnt open any doors of opportunity for her.

facebook may serve its purpose but the biggest problem my wife has is not the posts she puts up,,but rather other peoples posts which ruin things.

I for one deal with my friends the old fashion way, not this new way that can be used against you later.
Its only a matter of time before there are serious issues with this site to include employment on down to plain old judgement or even robery become common place.

If your treating facebook like a casual place to relax and talk about things, then your plain wrong.

There are dozens of risks unlike real life.

However,, i do have a prediction to controdict my one thoughts....
Not having a virtual space about yourself could one day lead to suspicion of your own character and possibly be used against you,, as in you have something to hide.

A true example: we were discussing a person we wanted to hire and one of the people on the phone with me said "does he have a facebook?"
I told her (lets call her "mary") thats not a suitable qualifier for deciding on someone, then she said "ill just do it myself ".  I instantly partook in my typical roll of unpopularity by stating the following ,,"Well, then after we hang up, I will let this person know we are looking at his facebook page".  I was told im paranoid,, and I replied "NO, im tire of feeling like im the only one on this  planet who knows right from wrong and here we are duscussing FLSA violations".  However during that call, I went to Mary's face book, captured a compromising picture and attached it to eveyone on the call and said,,,"you mean behavior like this?"

It might sound like im over doing things but until thngs simmer down, I can only handle what i can control and so my point is, I dont put myself out there to be manipulated. 
Facebook is with good intentions though, but anyone can exploit anything to get something out of it they want. Maybe thats why Im so conservative as i can count all my real friends on one hand.
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: hypostang on October 02, 2010, 10:26:12 AM
Quote from: jcassity;337598
Its only a matter of time before there are serious issues with this site to include employment on down to plain old judgement or even robery become common place.

If your treating facebook like a casual place to relax and talk about things, then your plain wrong.

There are dozens of risks unlike real life.

 Could you elaborate on this please?
 I'm curious to know what risks you believe  there are on Facebook as opposed to lets say , this site .
 Personally the only people on my friends list are family members, as my mom is from a family of 14 children most of whom live in Canada which gives me quite a few cousins , and my immediate family most of whom still live in New England where I grew up .there is also a handful of what were my closest friends before I moved to Tn 10 years ago.
 But you have definitely aroused my curiosity as to how Facebook is riskier than any other internet site .

Ok I read your edit , I get what you are saying BUT you can't protect people from their own stupidity  . If people put stuff out there without thinking then ,,,well that is their fault
Title: Facebook etiquette.
Post by: daminc on October 02, 2010, 12:25:49 PM
Well, looks like this has gone off topic.
Thanks for everyones input ....
I'll end the survey now